You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
