I faked an abortion last night.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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