nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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