I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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