The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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