You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
