saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
