when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
