I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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