this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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