Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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