drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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