the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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