found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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