All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
