we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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