I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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