I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize