So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
