Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
