I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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