have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
