GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
