he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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