Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
