Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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