So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
