i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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