I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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