Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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