The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
