had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize