I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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