Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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