Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
