It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
