tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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