Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
