you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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