Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize