Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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