"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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