420 ftw
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need moral support for this bender
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
