the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
