Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize