I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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