i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize