question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
