Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
