Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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