She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
