She's JV to your varsity
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
