and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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