i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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