I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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