I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
