i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am one with the molecules
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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