Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
