come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
