If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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