put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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