speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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