you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
