he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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