Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize